a midnight grimoire

so i was researching on the web and found oodles of different pagan/wiccan recipes, including special ones that are traditionally for being made around a certain sabbat. i was originally looking for recipes on ways to cook swordfish, but since pagans don't seem to have many choices in that category [hehehe] i branched my research two ways, and found a dish that i made tonight. it's called "midsummer chicken", and it is so amazing [if anyone wants the recipe, simply google it or write to me]. midsummer is on the 21st, so while i prepared this dish a tad early i know my parents both LOVEDDD the meal and were intrigued by the new culture i've been introducing them to. also, since midsummer isn't too far away i think the God and Goddess will be pleased at my way of weaving my newfound religion into all aspects of my life.

i dropped 3lbs though since the last time i visited the doctor, so my parents had me eat a bit more. ewwwy ewww i feel like a fat, wild boar waddling through the king's forest. XP



do svidanya

not quite sure yet if i'm enjoying livejournal as much as i had hoped i would while registering. the last time i had an account on here the same thing happened, and even though i've only given 2 days to this "fair chance", i'm not sure how loyal i want to be here.
witchvox, however, has sparked my interest intensely. not only does it seem more..... understanding and open-minded..... to the aspects of personal opinion, it also appears to aquire a more intellectual format. i offer no apology to that statement, for it is not one of offense or brash intention, but rather a fact. this is a blog site, more like an online diary. witchvox seems to be more of writing somewhat structured essays, and ones with a firm purpose. while i enjoy blog sites as a means with which i can unwind and express thought, the people behind the user icons never really seem to grasp the concept. even in open-minded blog sites i've found that i can never be honest in my entries for fear of the person behind the icon tearing me a new one. and what's the point of a blogging space if you need to censor your opinions? i love debate, and teaching one by pointing out simple errors, but i don't enjoy attacks.

soooooooooooo to sum up, i may switch over to witchvox. i know no one really cares though, so this should be an easy transition. =]

because i am new, i feel that this entry is highly appropriate.

my name is midnight. to quicken this up, let me just say now: i was born with a chemical imbalance that awarded me major depression. i also have anorexia. i’ve mutilated myself, downed Aspirin, made meals out of antacids, and chugged cough syrup. i've starved myself, i've lost my period because i dropped to 74lbs. i’ve dabbled with bulimia. i’ve attempted suicide. i know the feeling of hurting too much to move. i know what it's like to want to die.
i started taking medication, and things started to change. i started to see beauty, and actually feel happiness. i went to my therapist one saturday, she and i developed a plan of taking a vacation. my parents, brother, boyfriend and i took a spontaneous day-trip to sedona [mountainy part of arizona] the next day. in sedona i felt something that i had never experienced before. with my medication i was able to see, feel, and really enjoy things that my depression had hidden away. the trees looked greener, the air was sweeter and seemed to sizzle with an energy, the air itself seemed to vibrate and filter crevasses inside of me that needed to be out in the open.
i realized i wanted to get better.
that night i had my awakening. i broke down at the dinner table and confessed to the rest of my ways: the anorexia and the bulimia and the taking of pills and my cutting. both my parents and my brother were amazing. they were understanding and supportive, and together we all developed a plan to heal me, or as i've so cleverly dubbed it "operation fix midnight". this summer i am to get better. with gentle coaxing and reminding they've helped me to be able to hold down 3 meals a day without jabbing my fingers down my throat or slicing my flesh. not only that, my mom has decided to cook even healthier meals [she's always been pro-health]. prior to my awakening my mom developed a new hobby of gardening, planting herbs and toying with carrot-growing and taking care of our citrus trees. while against it in my depressed state, i now see that the God and Goddess were preparing for my rebirth. i am now engaged in cooking dinner, and keeping the plants watered. i've established a friendship with the earth that i've never had, deleting my previous mindset that mother nature is stupid and loving it is "hippy-ish".

with the background info under my belt, i say this: i owe much to Wiccan and Witchcraft. the day i awakened i abandoned my Satanist devotion [i know i know, don't say it] and "discovered" Wiccan. but i've always been drawn to Wiccan, from the runes and tarot cards my grandma enchanted me with after school when i was young to the day i bought my first book on Witchcraft simply because something inside me was drawn to it. during this time of transformation, for i've only been on meds for a month and have dedicated myself to the [nocturnal] Craft 2 weeks ago, Wiccan has helped me immensly. i find a calm in learning about crystals and handfasting and meditation. i now wake up at 4am to sit outside and meditate and then spend time ritually stretching. i've found strength in my newfound connection with the God and Goddess.


really just an entry for me, for my other blogs won't be like this, these words i had to put down somewhere and get out of my head. i am so thankful for finding this path, and hope to continue to learn and grow from all of the detours and surprises it may offer.